In the beginning of a relationship, there are so many things that scare us: we’re afraid to text and call first, we even hesitate to like a picture of a person on Instagram. According to Daniel O’ Leary, a psychologist from Stony Brook University, spouses notice that their feelings get stronger after 10 years. So what are the benefits of a long-term relationship? A couple that has overcome difficulties and copes with challenges won’t break up because of arguments or other insignificant things.
We has decided to find out what people in long-term relationships don’t pay attention to.
10. You aren’t afraid that your partner may have different plans and values.
One of the main advantages of a long-term relationship is stability: you know your partner’s habits, desires, and goals. True love makes you both act like one mechanism, you’re teammates, and you’re always ready to support each other.
So in the beginning of a relationship, your partner’s plans (for example, moving to China to study pandas) may surprise you, but as time goes by, you know what your partner wants and you’ll both probably start to follow the same dreams.
9. You’re not afraid to discuss different topics.
Both in the beginning of a relationship and 20 years down the road, communication is the key to understanding. “New” couples try to restrict the topics that they discuss and those who have been dating for a long time can talk about anything they want: from quantum physics to the situation when one of them turns into a zombie. The more trusting the partners’ communication is, the stronger their relationship is.
8. You’re not afraid to appear in “bad shape.”
In the beginning, we try to be the most ideal version of ourselves: we want to look perfect, smell great, and always be in a good mood. Once the relationship is rather strong, we aren’t afraid to show our partner that we feel bad or tired. In this case, our feelings and emotions are stronger than our need to keep our appearance perfect. We know that we can still be the best for our partner, no matter how we look.
7. You don’t care if your parents or friends don’t like your partner.
“Young” relationships can’t deal with criticism very well. When you’re together for a long period of time, you pay no attention to others’ opinions. Your granny might not like your girlfriend or your friends may think your boyfriend doesn’t suit you — but this only makes you smile because you know that they just don’t understand that your partner is incredible.
6. You aren’t afraid that workplace issues will spoil your relationship.
Career ups and downs are tough challenges for a person to deal with. In a long-term relationship, people overcome all of their difficulties together, they share successes and failures, and support each other.
Sometimes it’s complicated to have to put up with constant workloads, but if a couple is strong, they aren’t afraid of these challenges because they’ve already managed to cope with them earlier and they know what to do in these situations.
5. You aren’t afraid that you’ve met your partner too soon or too late.
When a couple starts turning into a long-term relationship, they often start to ask themselves, “Do I need this relationship now? I’m not ready yet./ I haven’t conquered Everest yet./ My career has just started to grow.”
When you’re in a long-term relationship, you don’t care about all these questions and you don’t think that you could find someone better. Everything is just the way it should be.
4. You may disagree and argue a little bit.
A healthy relationship isn’t about agreeing all the time. You’re different people and may disagree with each other — it’s OK. In a long-term relationship, all arguments can be resolved peacefully as you both know that your views are different and you accept this.
You aren’t afraid to let your partner know that you don’t like Star Wars or base jumping. Different interests only make your relationship more vivid and diverse.
3. You aren’t afraid to look silly or ridiculous.
In the beginning of a relationship, there’s a slight distance between partners: they don’t want to look silly or ridiculous in front of each other. Long-term relationships make people friends and this friendship cancels all restrictions. People who trust and love each other don’t want to hide during morning exercises or beauty treatments.
2. You aren’t afraid that your partner may embarrass you.
In the beginning of a relationship, you don’t know how your partner might behave in this or that situation. When people have been together for a long time, they know what to expect, they’re ready for it, and they always support each other even if their actions look strange or ridiculous.
1. You aren’t afraid that changes in appearance could ruin your relationship.
In the beginning of a relationship, we pay too much attention to our partner’s appearance. When you’ve been dating for a long period of time, sudden changes like weight gain during pregnancy or early balding don’t affect your attitude as much toward your partner. Being in love and in a strong relationship helps you cope with these changes well, whether they are temporary or not.
Bonus: As time goes by, it gets easier to understand your partner.
When you’re in a long-term relationship, you almost always feel what your partner feels and understand all their emotions. When your beloved avoids holding your hand or cuddling with you, it could be a sign that something is wrong or they don’t love you anymore and it’s time to change something in your life.
For most people, it’s really important to find a partner and it’s really great if you’ve already found this person. What challenges did you have to face? Tell us in the comments.
Illustrated by Igor Polushin for BrightSide.me